Certified analysis of office projectile performance. Every launch is official. Every launch ends in a certificate.
The Bureau of Office Projectile Standards exists to subject standard-issue paperclips to controlled slingshot launches and certify the resulting flight using instruments only the Bureau can see.
Every launch generates its own Launch Number, its own Launch Velocity, Apex Height, Ricochets Logged, and Recovery Location reading, and its own permanent entry in the specimen's declining confidence history.
Each launch measures Launch Velocity, Apex Height, Ricochets Logged, and Recovery Location, regardless of how the clip was actually pulled, what it actually ricocheted off, or whether office projectiles can be meaningfully tested at all.
All readings are generated within severities the Bureau considers scientifically unimpeachable. There is no wind tunnel. There is no Bureau.
Every specimen begins at full confidence. Every launch lowers it. This is not measurement error. This is the entire measurement.
Confidence has never gone back up during a single recorded launch, and the Bureau does not fund research into why.
Specimens may be relaunched by pulling the clip back and letting go once more. The Bureau will apply exactly the same rigor to the retest as to the original launch, which is to say, none.
The Official Paperclip Slingshot is provided for entertainment purposes only. No office supplies were harmed, permanently lost, or meaningfully analyzed in the making of any certificate.